WrestleMania 39 Saturday Review
The reason for the season has finally arrived, and this is an uncharacteristically well-built Wrestlemania (at least by modern WWE standards). While the presentation will undoubtedly be full of unnecessary commercials, video packages, recaps, and ‘comedy’ segments - the bell-to-bell has the chance to get WrestleMania trending back in the right direction.
The stage looks awesome and the pyro is breathtaking as ever - WWE has a lot of flaws, but portraying spectacle isn’t one of them. Let’s see if this quality can translate to the wrestling itself.
Match #1 – Austin Theory vs. John Cena
Well, Cena entered this match accompanied by a group of Make-A-Wish kids, which set expectations from the outset that he’s not losing.
The crowd were red hot for this and Theory played a great slimy heel, biting Cena to escape any time John got some momentum. Cena is clearly leading the dance in this one, as it feels very similar to his usual match structure in pace and escalation.
Again, there’s nothing flashy in terms of workrate, but it’s the simple and classic vanilla veteran babyface vs cocky upstart heel story told clearly and with textbook execution.
Theory gets the win after a ref bump, low blow, and the A-Town Down. I did not expect that! Good for Theory.
3 stars – The most basic wrestling story done with the utmost professionalism in a fun little match.
Match #2 – Braun Strowman & Ricochet vs. The Viking Raiders (Erik & Ivar) vs. The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) vs. Alpha Academy (Chad Gable & Otis)
‘WrestleMania Showcase Match’ is generally WWE-coded doublespeak to say that “this match doesn’t matter”. I expected this match to be like any generic TV match you’d see on a weekly basis. But in a first of nice surprises across the night, this completely overdelivered.
This was frantic, highlight-reel wrestling - stacking big spot after big spot to whip this crowd into a frenzy. Gable got an insane rolling German Suplex on Braun Strowman that made the crowd come unglued, as did the fun sequence where all the big men in the match traded top-rope dives on each other. There was the requisite Tower of Doom spot, but with the twist that it became a massive stalling suplex (until Ricochet came in and pushed the tower over). Another highlight was Dawkins absolutely wiping out Braun with the stiffest shoulder tackle I’ve ever seen.
I can’t believe this match delivered at a high calibre from the cold build and my rock-bottom expectations.
Street Profits get the win with a Frog Splash/gutbuster combo in a fun match.
4 stars – This had no right to be this enjoyable for such a throwaway match. Recommended.
Match #3 – Logan Paul vs. Seth Rollins
As despicable as he is as a real human being, Logan Paul is a frustratingly good wrestler for someone with fewer than 5 matches to his name.
This started slow and was pretty uninteresting in the first half, but once the deluge of nearfalls began, it started to pick up steam.
That is until KSI dressed in a Prime bottle mascot costume interfered, which is maybe the most WWE sentence I’ve ever typed. Though it did lead to a nice nearfall with KSI getting accidentally wiped out through the announce table and Seth getting a Pedigree off on Logan.
Seth gets the win with the Stomp, and this one is over after going a bit too long.
3.25 stars - A good enough match brought down in quality due to unnecessary smoke and mirrors.
Match #4 - Becky Lynch, Lita & Trish Stratus vs. Damage CTRL (Bayley, Dakota Kai & IYO SKY)
Unsurprisingly, Becky played the babyface getting beaten down for much of the match and carried this for her team. All three of Damage CTRL are far better than being the punching bags for a lame nostalgia act, but it’s the hand they’ve been dealt to get the big payday.
At least this match killing the crowd was predicted, as it was in the calm-down spot of the night after 3 energetic matches. This was slow, went way too long, and was clumsy at the best of times.
The face team gets the win after an avalanche Manhandle Slam and thank god it’s over.
1.5 stars – A slow, messy showing from a group of wrestlers past their prime.Worst of the Night.
Match #5 - Dominik Mysterio vs. Rey Mysterio
Speaking of smoke and mirrors matches, here’s the Mysterio one (familial abuse sponsored by Cinnamon Toast Crunch™).
After some truly dreadful entrances, it doesn’t take long for them to involve their non-wrestler family members for a cheap pop and a whipping/spanking spot because ‘haha he’s like a child’.
Dominik might be the most overrated rookie wrestler by online pundits. He successfully garners consistent heel heat from the crowd, but becomes shaky and unconfident when expected to carry a segment without his stablemates. When left to his own devices, he looks as lost as a deer in the headlights, and wrestles like it’s his third week of training.
The crowd were very into this story (god knows why), but I just don’t see it. This is hokey and really shows off the worst tendencies of modern WWE ‘storytelling’. In the interest of saying at least one nice thing, there was a good alley-oop powerbomb planting Rey’s face onto the bottom turnbuckle.
Rey Mysterio gets the victory after Bad Bunny interferes to set up the 619 and a splash. Awful.
1.75 stars – Cringe storytelling that goes on forever and relies on tropes and interference to the roar of the crowd.
Match #6 – Charlotte Flair vs. Rhea Ripley - WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship
The story coming into this match is that Rhea has grown and learned all of Charlotte’s tricks since their last high-profile Wrestlemania match. In contrast, Charlotte appears as the pathetic veteran stalwart of a division, who relies on her tired bag of tricks that are becoming less effective over time - in this match she transitions into her slot as the division’s Old Yeller, realising she’s about to be put down. Rhea is the fresh young buck (no, not those young bucks) proving to be indomitable as she challenges to become the head of the pack.
It’s a great story, one that seems completely unintentional on WWE’s part. To the audience, Rhea is the undeniable favourite - but in WWE’s narrative, she’s just another lumbering corrupted brute, challenging the prodigal blue-chipper Charlotte (a babyface getting booed out of the building).
The work here is fantastic. Rhea has been a top-5 female worker in the company for years, and Charlotte can put on a good showing when she actually applies the effort. The strikes are stiff, the pacing makes sense and crescendos perfectly, and (like every good Charlotte match) everything feels chaotic like it’s just on the cusp of falling apart. There was a particularly great avalanche German Suplex that looked like it wiped out both women, and another German Suplex where Charlotte overrotates to land on her face and bust her nose.
The crowd are massively into this one and I was exactly the same. The back and forth is electrifying and every nearfall is a plausible endpoint for the match.
Rhea gets the win with an avalanche Riptide to pick up the pin and the title. Incredible match.
4.75 stars – One of the best WWE women’s matches in history. Highly Recommended.
Match #7 - The Usos (Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso) vs. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn - WWE Tag Team Championships
Like many other matches on this show, this one started slow. I was worried it was going to follow the Roman Reigns formula of cutting mid-match promos about the wrestling storyline, rather than actually wrestling the story.
Thankfully, it didn’t take too long to pick up in front of a molten-hot crowd. Some great callbacks throughout, especially Sami’s Generico-esque BRAINBUSTAH on the apron. The Usos are perfect here as the vindictive, bullying heels. Every single superkick is laced with venom and successfully added to the sympathy for the face team. The Usos looked like flat-out menaces when slamming Kevin through the announce table with a double uranage.
All the heat from the Usos in the first two-thirds just serves to make the comeback all the more emotional. Sami being the first person in WWE to kick out of the 1D was a nearfall that everyone bought into, as was the Stunner from Kevin’s hot tag towards the end, and the dual Uso splash on Kevin.
Sami hits 3 Helluva Kicks on Jey in a row to pick up the win in this great, emotional match.
4.5 stars – Catharsis to wrap up one of the best WWE storylines of the last decade and stick the landing. Highly Recommended.
AVERAGE RATING: 3.25 of 5 stars (or 6.5 of 10)
SUMMARY: This was a more consistent show than a WrestleMania has been in many years, with some of the best wrestling you’ll see in modern WWE. Regardless of your preferences, there’ll be something here for you.
